How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
