Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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