It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
