Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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