I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
