But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
