Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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