Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
