and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
