I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had to cum in my sink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
