took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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