This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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