Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
