we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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