well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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