He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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