and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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