please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
