when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
