He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
