There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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