i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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