i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think i have two assholes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
