I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
