He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
