So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
