the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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