Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
