Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
