If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
