got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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