I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
