got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
