really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
