i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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