he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
