I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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