Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
