why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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