Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
