Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize