Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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