last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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