My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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