I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
