but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
