i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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