I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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