i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I smell like Dick and happiness
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