I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
