Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
