OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
one might say we're banned from that church
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street