If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.