btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect