It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
