Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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