Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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