i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
